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Monday, October 8, 2012

Now that the magic has gone

Didn't take long.   The magic from last night has been cast away by someone who has let me down.  And they're blanking me.  Owe me money.   Let me down.   They know how ill I am and that I need it for food.  But their word is jack.

Why the fuck is it that I am expected.   That I have to do what I say I'm going to do.  And no other fucker has to?

I'm inconsolable.   Angry.   It's made me ill.  

And last week my phone calls went unanswered when all I wanted was advice ... which they knew.   After years of helping ... it was too much to ask.   Until today when they wanted a favour.  FFS.

And one more thing.   It's fucking cruel to give someone this ill.   This vulnerable.  This stressed.   It's cruel to give them hope.   Then take it away.  To say one thing.  And then pretend you didn't. Then blank me.   Don't you understand the consequences on my mental health.  And other shit?

You're all hurting and killing me.  Literally.   I'm going to have a fucking stroke.

4 comments:

  1. Just sending you a giant hug and lots of love. I'm sorry life is so bloody hard right now. And I'm sorry that the positive feelings from the night before had to be overshadowed by negativity. Love you!

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  2. i am so very sorry you are being hurt. so much bad when all you need is help, comfort, just to let someone take over for a moment and give you what you need because it is the compassionate and right thing to do. no question of being paid back. simply giving. so worried about you. wishing and praying for a turn around and that things {and people} start working out.

    love you so much. wishing you peace. and improved health.

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  3. Praying for and loving you, Boo.
    People can really suck.
    But then others are quite lovely.
    :)

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  4. feeling stronger today. Peeps been in touch :-)

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