Thursday, July 21, 2011

This time ten years ago ...

... I started jumping up and down on the mahogany double poster bed at the lovely resort where we got married.

"I want to do it again," I said breathlessly.

"Boo, do you realize how much 'it' cost?"

"Baba, it was included in the booking, so it was free. Because this is all-inclusive. I don't mean it literally, you know? I mean, do it again, right now. Like rewind time and do it again."

"I swear to god you are trying to kill me."


"Who loves you, baby?"

"You do, baba."

"That's right .... I do. You are so beautiful ... to me."

And he set the timer on our camera and waited for me to stop bouncing and gravitate towards him by nature ... gathering me up in his arms and kissing me. All safe in my la-la-land. So indescribably and deliriously happy.

The photo captured our feelings - our spirit - on that day so well, and I think it was the only photo we ever took of ourselves, using the self-timer.

And I find myself wishing once more on the day of our wedding ... wishing I could turn back time ... to this time ten years ago. Just for a few minutes with him. Even if it meant exchanging the rest of my life ... even if it meant going through all this pain again. He is worth every second of it. Every fucking second.

Only you, baba.

I want to do it again. Still. Always.

Thank you so much, from the deepest and most sacred room in my heart ~ to Megan ~ for creating this cherished piece of art, with so much love, empathy, care and, most of all, for getting angry and hurting on my behalf. There is no greater gift.


  1. Oh Boo.. this made me cry... I wish there was some magical way that we could turn back time.. that we get one do over.. I would give you my wish to make that happen for you over and over again.. hugs

  2. Thinking of you! I love so much how you're able to write so eloquently about this whole experience. Sad as it is :( *big hugs*

  3. As Barbara wrote, if only there was a magical way to turn back time for you. Kudos to megan for creating the lovely work of art.

  4. always on my mind. always in my heart. i wish for you only a deep contentment when your memories surround you. i wish for you peace.

  5. Lovely, Boo. Oh if we could only turn back time.