I miss you so much baba.
There are such nasty people on this earth.
On Friday night I saw a man (and I use that term loosely) punch a woman. Several times. If you'd been there it never would have happened. I've never seen that happen before. I'm still in shock. I've not left my home since and shan't till it's time to go to work tomorrow.
My sixth sense came into play but really I was listening to what you'd have told me to do.
And so apart from being sad that people have no morals I'm reminded once more that you're not coming home.
Just moments before he punched her he'd spoken to me. Pretended to be charming. But I knew. He was looking in my eyes but I could see the madness in him. He said, "I'm not trying to intimidate you," and I replied, "no one can frighten me. You can't intimidate me. No one can. You have no idea.". I went cold and was calm. I saw a flicker of anger in his eyes as he realized, without understanding, that I was telling the truth and nothing but.
I think that sent him over the edge in his drink (and drug?) addled and clearly paranoid mind.
My reaction? I protected the dog in the room knowing it would attack him and that he would hurt him. Badly. So I watched the violence worsen as others tried to stop him hurting the woman whilst I covered the old dog - deaf now - ensuring I blocked his vision of this abhorrent scene.
When it was over I calmly walked home. But it's reminded me of how soft Cliff was with women and especially with me. A stark comparison.
And made me miss him more. And made me accept he's not coming home. Just a little more.
I hurt. Too much. Right now. I want you baba more than I need you. And that is how you measure love. To want someone more than you need them.