I dropped Fred and Barney off at kennels this morning so that my season of sleepovers could begin, and went to head off home ... so that I could log on and work those last hours from there.
Uh-oh, the car was stuck in ice and snow.
The kennel owner fetched her Land Rover so she could tow me. I had to get the car manual to find out where the tow pin was, and where to fix it. While I was still reading the manual, she'd attached my car to hers. I wondered if there would come a day when I was as self-sufficient as she (a divorcee) was. Maybe. Maybe not. Cliff spoiled me so much, that I tend to look at myself as a useless Princess type of woman these days, and I hate myself for it.
The rope snapped a few times (she didn't have a proper tow-rope) and I got splattered in mud and snow when I tried to push it.
But it in the end, our efforts paid off. I made it onto good road, but most importantly, even though I kept thinking that if Cliff were here, he'd have pushed the car (on his own) and we'd have been delayed for less time than we were, instead of crying, I laughed and laughed and laughed. What a refreshing change of reaction. It actually felt good. The fact that I dealt with it, albeit with help, I did it!
Not only that, I didn't bat an eye when the car slid and slipped around further down the road, because in comparison, it was nothing.
While we were struggling to get my car back on road, a man drove past us. The kennel owner said in a loud voice, "I'm glad I'm on my own. I mean, I could get lucky and have a husband like that. NOT." I was howling with laughter, literally, even though she wasn't. I managed to howl with laughter even though I was wishing that Cliff were there.
Maybe I'm growing up a bit. Maybe.
I'll be logging off in half an hour ... no more work until January 4th. I need the break as I've worked so damn hard, but I'm a bit nervous about not working because it seems to define who I am these days. It keeps me sane and on the straight and narrow mostly.
So, in a little while, I'll be loading the car with gifts, my candles for Cliff and my overnight bag, onto the season of sleepovers. I'll be missing him deeply, but I know I shall also enjoy the company of family and friends. I will try to enjoy Christmas, for him.
Only you baba. Merry Christmas my beautiful husband. I shall wrap myself in the warmth and love of Christmasses past to get me through this one. For you.