My boiler decided to turn itself off during the night.
On the coldest night of the year so far.
So the shower turned cold as I applied shampoo.
Then we got stuck in a traffic jam for an hour.
I could feel myself starting to feel panicky and insecure.
It doesn't take a lot these days.
I fucking hate asking for help.
So I haven't.
So I'm really cold.
I tried turning on the heating and water but it wouldn't light, at which point I started crying.
Then i screamed at Cliff, went hysterical and shouted at him more.
Why the fuck did you leave me here? I fucking HATE you for leaving me.
How could I have said that to him?
I said I was sorry but I feel devastated for saying it. I didn't mean it baba. I an still inconsolable shedding big fat hot tears of heartbreak.
I don't want to ask for help.
I want my beautiful husband back.
He should be here to fix it
So I'm sitting here ... stubborn ... Wrapped in two blankets.
I can take stubborn to a new level.
When my washing machine broke it took me a month to aak for help. I rediscovered so many clothes. I bought new ones. I handwashed.
But in the end I had to give in
so. Tomorrow. I will ask.
I miss you baba.