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Thursday, October 7, 2010

A mere blink of an eye … relatively speaking

As I drove home last night, I had to squint due to the fierce sunlight hitting my rear view mirror. Being British, I had removed my sunnies from my handbag, wrongly assuming that there would not be cause to wear them again this year.

Out of nowhere, I thought of my Mom wearing her Ray-Bans, driving and smiling in the sun … in Bahrain where we lived for many years. And I smiled … back at her. It was a warming thought that she and I had both squinted because of the same sun whilst driving. I smiled again because of the connection.

Acceptance has brought with it a fresh mindset.

Something that I have finally grasped is the fact that my Mom’s life was hers, Cliff’s was his … ergo, mine is mine. That although we were so close and loved them so so much, that it doesn’t detract from the fact that each life has its own timeline.

And I’m beginning to not only see that fact, I’m becoming more comfortable about accepting the same fact. That said, it doesn’t make it any less painful. But it does afford me some peace simultaneously.

And if I measure any earthbound life; mine, my mother’s, even Cliff’s … against the life of the sun, it is but a blink of an eye. If that.

And this is what I shall think of each time a tsunami hits me, bringing me to my knees. Compared to eternity, compared to the lifespan of the sun, the wait to see him again is nothing … nothing. Not really.

It just feels like a millennia. That’s all.

Breathe, breathe. Keep it in perspective, Boo.

3 comments:

  1. What a wise and lovely post. You're so right. Everyone's life is their own, no matter how intimate two people are. In some ways that's scary, in other ways a relief.

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  2. Great post Boo. I really liked what you had to say here. I really need to start getting this. I need to remind myself that although I am hurting because his life ended, I need to keep living mine.

    I also like that you pointed out an image that puts it all in perspective. I look up at the sun, or will when it rises back up tomorrow morning, and I will blink, knowing it's the same sun that made you blink. It keeps me knowing that you, my friend, are not so far away. I really like knowing that, because you have such a wonderful spirit about you, and I wish I had the opportunity to see you more.

    I'm struggling right now to keep all this in perspective, but I too know that it will pass, and I will move about my life easier once again.

    Wonderful. Wondeful.

    Love you lots.

    Dan

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  3. I only knew him for a short time, but that little time made all the difference...

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