As I drove home last night, I had to squint due to the fierce sunlight hitting my rear view mirror. Being British, I had removed my sunnies from my handbag, wrongly assuming that there would not be cause to wear them again this year.
Out of nowhere, I thought of my Mom wearing her Ray-Bans, driving and smiling in the sun … in Bahrain where we lived for many years. And I smiled … back at her. It was a warming thought that she and I had both squinted because of the same sun whilst driving. I smiled again because of the connection.
Acceptance has brought with it a fresh mindset.
Something that I have finally grasped is the fact that my Mom’s life was hers, Cliff’s was his … ergo, mine is mine. That although we were so close and loved them so so much, that it doesn’t detract from the fact that each life has its own timeline.
And I’m beginning to not only see that fact, I’m becoming more comfortable about accepting the same fact. That said, it doesn’t make it any less painful. But it does afford me some peace simultaneously.
And if I measure any earthbound life; mine, my mother’s, even Cliff’s … against the life of the sun, it is but a blink of an eye. If that.
And this is what I shall think of each time a tsunami hits me, bringing me to my knees. Compared to eternity, compared to the lifespan of the sun, the wait to see him again is nothing … nothing. Not really.
It just feels like a millennia. That’s all.
Breathe, breathe. Keep it in perspective, Boo.