Monday, October 18, 2010

I think I'm ready

I think I'm ready for a relationship.

I'm still in love with Cliff.

He is always going to be in my heart and soul.

It just is.

But damn, I'm lonely.

I only come alive for 24 hours every 2 weeks when I visit someone.

I am gregarious by nature and wasn't made to be alone.

I'm too lonely and it's pulling me under.

I think I'm ready.


  1. Bless you for having come to that decision. It is yours and yours alone to make, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

    I wish I could as I feel I am simply treading water with my life right now. But something is holding me back from taking that step.

    I have wanted physical intimacy with someone almost since the day R died - even during the deepest, darkest days of my grief. But the emotional side of a new relationship still scares me too much. I don't know whether it is loyalty to R or terror at the thought of loving someone else and losing them or fear of losing R's family if I do find another man. Perhaps all of the above.

    Anyway, good luck as you take this step into the unknown.

  2. Cheering you on from here! How wonderful that you're able to come alive when you are with someone else. That must mean he is special, because you are a wonderful woman. Of course you'll always love Cliff and he'll always be in your heart. But I'm sure he would want you to find new happiness. You deserve it! I'm so happy for you that you've been able to reach this place in your journey.

    Love ya!

  3. I'm pulling for you from Texas! I will ALWAYS love .... and miss .... Jim. No one will ever take his place. But in the same way that my heart grew larger with each child we had (even when I doubted that I could love another as much as I loved the previous one/s) ..... I think our heart grows larger to love another partner.
    I'm glad that you feel ready.
    We're all here with you as you move forward.

  4. You know I am behind everything you do my friend. Always will be - I love you and so proud to be apart of your journey. XOXO!

  5. Boo, you are a lovely woman, and one with such a fun spirit. I would have to agree, you were not meant to be alone, and definitely not meant to be lonely.

    I cheer you on with any opportunity that might bring you new love. We are all so capable of loving more than one person in our lifetime. To me it is no different than having, and loving children. Our hears are capable of having love for one person, without taking anything away from another that we loved and lost.

    I'm hoping to be right behind you in this endeavor.

    Love you boo.


  6. thanks everyone, I'll keep you posted.

    I am lucky because Cliff's family have told me that whatever happens, they will always think of me as a "Mayhew" and I know we will always be in each other's lives.

    I know it won't be a walk in the park either, but as long as the good outweighs the bad, it's worth it.