Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Lack of Motivation

Our friend has a spare key to the house and is due today to collect some of Cliff's scaffolding. (I couldn't face selling it and wanted someone he liked to have it.)

This is the note I left him:

You will have to excuse the state of the house - I've been a bit down recently.

p.s. If the big spider is still in the bath, please can you kill it.

These days I find myself back in that place where I was, almost at the beginning. I only have the energy to go to work, walk my dog and feed myself. The rest of the time I just sit there, staring into space or crying. I look around at the house, disgusted with myself, yet cannot find the energy to tidy or clean. What's the fucking point anyway.


  1. me too! glad to hear i'm not alone. i've just been in a supreme funk lately.

  2. I think it's the change of seasons. Gets me down, too.

  3. Sarah, I read your post about guilt and boy did that make me howl. That ugly beast has raised its head with me again. It was always my worst demon and still is every now and again.

    Thelma, I think you could be right. It sucks.

  4. You made me laugh this morning with the spider request, thanks for that. This grief thing is such a horrible gift that just keeps on giving.

    Hang in there.

  5. :-) Dan, I know I sound like a stuck record ... but I really wish I could be with you through this first anniversary.

  6. (Hugs.)

    I feel like that about spiders, too. My basement aka crawl space is icky. Ughhh. I hope he took care of it. Yes?

    Mercury is retrograde right now. Lots of phunk from the past catchin' up. I wonder if that's why it seems many are having a hard time w/ their grief.

  7. I've been repressing, and I think that's why I can't bring myself to blog about my trip - it's gonna pull it outta me. ((((HUGS))))