Thursday, January 21, 2010

Stuff I just don't understand

I've got that "useless" feeling rising up from the pit of my stomach tonight. Like bile, only it's not something you can see, it's an emotion.

It's always the little things ...

tonight, driving home (yes, too fast as usual) the car seemed to almost stall (but not) and a weird light flashed up on my dashboard. The light depicted something that looked like a half full stomach. WTF is THAT? I am CLUELESS as to what it means, so about to go and sit in the car with the manual (which may as well be written in Japanese) to try and figure it out.

I hate this useless feeling.

Just in case, I have arranged to borrow my friend's husband to take a look at it (and install the handsfree for iphone kit), and actually I think maybe I'll just go to the dealership on Saturday and ask them to check it out.

The car is only a year old, so it should be fine ... but my intuition is telling me check it.

It's not that I'm lazy, but the interest to learn about cars is just not there. It doesn't do it for me.
And it makes me wonder if I thanked him enough, for every little thing that he did for me, without even being asked.
I think I did ... but right now I'm not entirely sure any more.
Brian King, please put down the fucking phone, so I can ask you if I should drive it to work tomorrow. If you don't put down the phone, I'm going to cry. And hard.


  1. Cliff knew. He knew. Remember, we need to be easier on ourselves and not punish ourselves (a wise woman told me that!). We did the best that we knew how to do and our husbands knew they were loved and appreciated.

    I understand the frustration that comes with the cluelessness about cars and engines. I feel that on a regular basis, especially when a warning light comes on. I wish I knew more but I really have no interest in knowing more! So I bought an automobile association membership in case I need to get rescued. But it's just one more thing that makes life without our husbands harder.

    I hope Brian King hung up his phone and has been able to reassure you. Go with your gut, girl and know that you can handle anything!!!

    Hugs, Deb

  2. i agree with Debbie. listen to your instincts. please let us know that you got help.

  3. I am so with you on the car stuff. Any time something goes wrong with the car, the yard, the house, electronics, I get panicky. Ralph fixed everything. I hate feeling helpless and I hate even worse asking my kids to fix things. Except in emergencies. Last week my cat got sick and I called my daughter, the vet, and she consulted with my vet.

  4. Hi Boo.

    I have no interest in my car, other than wanting it to get me from point A to point B.
    When something goes wrong it gets dropped off at the shop.

    My mother used to say, "go out there and watch your father,and learn how to fix the car." I would sit there with a look of disbelief. "What makes you think I want to fix cars? I'm going to college so I can pay someone else to fix my cars."

  5. Boo, I am positive that Cliff knew that you appreciated all he did for you. But more than that I know he did it because it was just another way to demonstrate his love and appreciation for you. Our partners were like that. Some things don't have to be said to be acknowledged or understood.

    And always, always follow your instinct. There is an author, Gavin De Becker, who wrote a book called The Gift of Fear. In it he talks about how the human being is the only animal to dismiss instinct. When an animal senses something they always (always!) react with fight or flight. But we have a way of dismissing those instincts as unfounded worry.

    Here's wishing you a minor inconvenience, but better to have it checked out.


  6. We have automatic breakdown cover with the car insurance. It costs about 35 quid a year if you specify the Home Start option. That's what you need because about 50% of breakdowns occur at home. Well, nearly all of mine (touch wood).

    our handbrake froze stuck on a few weeks ago (lots of smoke, trying to drive with that). One call and they arrived inside the hour, with a mallet to tap free his 15th frozen handbrake of the morning.

    Then last week, my colleagues' car failed to start at the office. I suggested he ring his insurance company to see if he had breakdown cover -- and the funny thing was he had been paying it for years and didn't even know he had it... again, they arrived inside an hour, towed him to the garage (it wasn't instantly fixable) and then brought him back again to cadge a lift home.

    Anyway, if you don't have it, I'd recommend it as a wise investment for peace of mind. Generally they prioritise calls from lone women in a panic, too.

    Meantime, I hope you got it fixed OK.

  7. Brian did eventually hang up and he told me that because the light was yellow not red, it's driveable, but I've decided to work from home just in case. The dealership can't service or check the car today or tomorrow but have just advised me that I can drive it at a sensible speed ... which I'll do till they service it in February.

    Yes, I have rescue cover ... but still panicked, which goes back to my earlier comment of ... I get on my own nerves sometimes.

    Roads - you got the picture well ... lone woman in a panic!

    Dan - exactly, why WOULD I want to know ... but I think I need to understand a little more about the car than I do currently - it's usually the unknown that sets off fear the most (in me at least) ... so if I know a bit more, I might have less of a wobble?

  8. What I thought about reading your post is how often we worry about not having appreciated our spouses, what they did for us (handle all the auto stuff, lawn work, home repairs, etc.). But we also need to remember all that we did for our spouses. I was the cook. I remembered and planned the parties and celebrations. I did the garden. I decorated the home. I bought his family the gifts. Our marriage was a give and take and while he was alive my husband rarely came out and thanked me. But I know that we were good together and our marriage worked. It was give and take.

    And no one is useless because they don't know a lot about car repairs. It's been six years and I still can care less. I'll never have an interest in the details. I loved Dan's comment about going to college so he didn't have to deal with cars either!

  9. thanks WITM, I do know just as you do ... but sometimes the "Mea Culpa" syndrome re-visits and it's always a hard battle to scare away that particular demon x