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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My heart is a little more hardened


I think I need to have a little break from blogging.

I recognize my own behaviour pattern ... my heart has become a little more hardened.
It's just possible that just as I found that after 10 months of frequenting the Grief Healing Discussion Boards, that it was taking too much out of me ... in the end ... it felt as though it was reminding me of the pain more (whereas for the first 10 months it soothed me because I needed that reassurance from other human beings that what I felt was normal. I was under the illusion that I'd be able to help others as I grew stronger, but was mistaken) ... I simply wasn't strong enough ... and I didn't have the courage to admit it.
This time I'm strong enough to admit it.
Being female, I reserve the right to change my mind ... but just as J-in-Wales found herself in this place, so do I.
I need to break free for a while.
We'll see ...
and, in the meantime, I'll see you guys on Facebook and email.
Just got to try this, you know? I've got to let that girl in me try and break free ... the strength, the love, the recklessness, the laughter ... and let her come back. The girl he fell in love with. I've got to do this for him ... and for me.

45 comments:

  1. I totally get it, but will miss reading your view-point.

    Enjoy the break.

    Love.

    Dan

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  2. I'll miss you Boo. You've become a comrade on this journey just through our writing. I understand. See you soon <3

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  3. I get it, and I'll miss your posts!! But, we still have FB and email!! Good luck love, and thank you soo much!! Much love and huge hugs to you!!

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  4. Do what is right for you. I'll sure miss you here but want what is in your best interest. Please take care and know that I'll be thinking of you. This might be the inspiration I need to venture out onto Facebook, a still unexplored territory for me!

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  5. I'll miss your opinion and point of view, but I understand that we must all do what is best for our health and well being. I stopped reading and participating in grief discussion boards a while ago because I felt like I had gotten all I could from them, but I'm still feeling like my blog is benefitting me so I'll keep posting. And who knows where our future will take us. But I'll be watching for updates on Facebook from you! By the way, I booked two hotel rooms by calling the Marriott because the group code still isn't working online and I wanted to get those bay view balcony rooms booked. So if you want to call, give either of our names and ask to be next to us!! Looking forward to San Diego!

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  6. I will miss reading you every day. Gosh--don't stay away too long, okay? My sister found that after a few months, the grief group just made it all harder--like every week she re-opened up the wound that was trying to heal. Take care Boo and just remember, you may not be here for awhile, but I will be thinking of you often.

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  7. I had to do the same thing, and I agree to do what is best for you. I read the strength in your posts lately and feel good. I'll have to add you on facebook! Take care and know that everyone is here to support you whenever you need it.
    xoxo

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  8. Boo, dear ~ I know you well enough to know that you have very good instincts, and you are wise to follow them. As you take the break you need from blogging, I wish you what you've always given us: nothing but the best.
    Fondly,
    Marty

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  9. I totally understand, dear heart.

    For me, a break was exactly what I needed - it forced me to deal with some issues that were blocking my progress. Now I feel that I am moving forward again, rather than stagnating, the blog is calling me once more.

    I hope your rest does you good.
    J xxx

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  10. Hey Boo,

    I hope the firework scattering went off with a bang. I picture Cliff's spirit soaring above in the night sky.

    Miss you.

    Dan

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  11. I'll miss you. Looking SO forward to meeting you in August!! Take care, and be wild and free. xoxo

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  12. Thinking about you Boo. Hope you are doing OK.

    J xxx

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  13. 我們這一代最偉大的發現是,人類可以藉由改變心中的態度來改變人生。 ..................................................

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  14. ^^ 謝謝你的分享,祝你生活永遠多彩多姿!........................................

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  15. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. ....................................................

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  16. 若對自己誠實,日積月累,就無法對別人不忠了。........................................

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  17. 我愛那些使自己的德行成為自己的目標或命定的人........................................

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  18. 失去金錢的人,失去很多;失去朋友的人,失去更多;失去信心的人,失去所有。...............................................................

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  19. Quality is better than quantity..................................................................                           

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  20. 向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

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  21. 噴泉的高度,不會超過它的源頭。一個人的事業也是如此,它的成就絕不會超過自己的信念。.................................................................

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  22. 拒絕冒險和成長的人,終將被生命的潮流陶汰。..................................................

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