I think I need to have a little break from blogging.
I recognize my own behaviour pattern ... my heart has become a little more hardened.
It's just possible that just as I found that after 10 months of frequenting the Grief Healing Discussion Boards, that it was taking too much out of me ... in the end ... it felt as though it was reminding me of the pain more (whereas for the first 10 months it soothed me because I needed that reassurance from other human beings that what I felt was normal. I was under the illusion that I'd be able to help others as I grew stronger, but was mistaken) ... I simply wasn't strong enough ... and I didn't have the courage to admit it.
This time I'm strong enough to admit it.
Being female, I reserve the right to change my mind ... but just as J-in-Wales found herself in this place, so do I.
I need to break free for a while.
We'll see ...
and, in the meantime, I'll see you guys on Facebook and email.
Just got to try this, you know? I've got to let that girl in me try and break free ... the strength, the love, the recklessness, the laughter ... and let her come back. The girl he fell in love with. I've got to do this for him ... and for me.