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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

It's past three

At three a.m. precisely, I lit a candle for the light that Cliff is in my life. I've sat still watching the flame flicker - its warm glow.

I think I am deadened by tiredness, for I feel strangely numb. Or do I feel peaceful? I really don't know.

Now, I can head for bed ...

... and worry about how to get down to the coast through the snow when I awake. NOT YET.


Thank you everyone for your wishes here and by text and on Facebook. Thanks also for not phoning - my issue with phones at the hardest times has been accepted, and I am so grateful for that.

This is where my head is right now, best described in the following quotations and poem.

The greatest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude.
- Thornton Wilder

You are not a human being having a spiritual experience. You are a spiritual being having a human experience.
—Wayne W. Dyer


The truest words of all: I will not forget you. You are in my waking thoughts, my sweetest memories, my dearest dreams. I will not forget you. You have touched my soul, opened my eyes, changed my very experience of the universe. I will not forget you. I see you in the flowers, the sunset, the sweep of the horizon and all things that stretch to infinity. I will not forget you. I have carved you on the palm of my hand. I carry you with me forever.
— Ellen Sue Stern


It's really true, Baba, isn't it? You're not coming back. Your love remains still, always, my beautiful husband <3

9 comments:

  1. Hugs lovie! HUGE bear hugs!! Thinking of you and Cliff, and saying a little prayer!

    Mandy

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  2. I'm grateful that you found my words from Living with Loss comforting. I wrote them from a deep well of sorrow in coping with my own loss. Thank you for allowing me to share your journey.

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  3. Mandy - thx for bear hugs, have Chicago style snow here to drive through :-(

    Dan, I'll be driving very slowly

    Ellen Sue - I thought your words were wonderfully comforting. They really speak to me, especially now. Thank you for being so gracious about me stealing them to use here :-)

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  4. i am thinking of you. always. i wish you peace.

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  5. Holding you, holding you, holding you very close on this day. Love and hugs across the miles between. May your loving memories sustain you.

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  6. I am with you in spirit and so proud of how you are living through this one year mark. You continue to inspire.
    Love and hugs to you,
    Debbie

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  7. Just catching up with my blog reading.

    (((BIG HUGS))) on making it to the one year mark.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo!!!!!

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  8. thanks all for your encouragement and wishes ... we did it!

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