At three a.m. precisely, I lit a candle for the light that Cliff is in my life. I've sat still watching the flame flicker - its warm glow.
I think I am deadened by tiredness, for I feel strangely numb. Or do I feel peaceful? I really don't know.
Now, I can head for bed ...
... and worry about how to get down to the coast through the snow when I awake. NOT YET.
Thank you everyone for your wishes here and by text and on Facebook. Thanks also for not phoning - my issue with phones at the hardest times has been accepted, and I am so grateful for that.
This is where my head is right now, best described in the following quotations and poem.
The greatest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude.
- Thornton Wilder
You are not a human being having a spiritual experience. You are a spiritual being having a human experience.
—Wayne W. Dyer
The truest words of all: I will not forget you. You are in my waking thoughts, my sweetest memories, my dearest dreams. I will not forget you. You have touched my soul, opened my eyes, changed my very experience of the universe. I will not forget you. I see you in the flowers, the sunset, the sweep of the horizon and all things that stretch to infinity. I will not forget you. I have carved you on the palm of my hand. I carry you with me forever.
— Ellen Sue Stern
It's really true, Baba, isn't it? You're not coming back. Your love remains still, always, my beautiful husband <3