Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Are you better now?

are you better now?

- reminiscent of how my Mom used to speak to me when I was a small child, having finished throwing a tantrum.

If one more person asks me if I'm better, and it's easier because I've grieved for a full year ... I am going to fucking SCREAM.

Yes, I am going to scream, and scream and scream and scream, until I am sick, and I can, and I will.

Speak to me like a xxxx and I'll behave like one. Just watch.


  1. i am so sorry some people have this predisposition to want everything swept under the rug, or oversimplified to life's version of a light switch. grief on. grief off. go ahead and scream. or maybe shock them with, "you are fortunate to know that if your husband (or wife) died your grief would be over and done with, finito, at the end of one year. i'm guessing you'll have your profile set and ready to upload to eharmony at midnight on the 365th day. good for you."

    i don't know. maybe i've been out of the world so long that i don't remember correct social behavior.

    i'm working hard here, kind of hiding out, but i am thinking of you. you'll always be in my heart.

  2. What do they know? I just looked at a book on widowhood and it said grief lasts a year. Again, what do they know?
    Hugs, Thelma

  3. This thought pattern that people have drive me nuts too!! But, what I constantly hear from people is, "are you dating yet?" "NO!? Why not? You're so young, you need to get back out there! You don't want to be alone forever do you!?"
    That's what I really hate!! I'm like yes I'm young, and yes I want to be alone forever. Or, at least at this point in my life I do!! People just don't get it. They think they are helping. But, really they are just saying all the wrong things!!
    Just learn to breath and ignore them through their stupid blabbing!! Then, when you won't scare anyone too much, scream!! :)
    Lots of love to you!!


  4. It's just because they don't really know how it feels and they think that there is a certain amount of time to grieve and then you are supposed to be better--like having the flu for awhile and then all better.

    How could you possibly "get better" when you've lost the love of your life? Maybe after a time, the severe pain isn't there every second of every hour, but that feeling of sad loss will be with you always.

    I'm sorry that some of us get stupid at times--we just haven't gone through it and don't really understand.

  5. wNs, that did have me chuckling ... e-harmony on day 365 :-)

    Thelmaz - that has got to be written by someone who has not lost a spouse!

    Mandy - yes, I can see that totally. Why oh WHY just because you are young, do they deduce that it makes it easier? Why would it be any easier? That's just stupid.

    Jude - and my point is, you never say the wrong thing, so why do they? Ahhh, because you are graced with empathy, rather than a desire to dole out advice that you haven't thought through. You are special x

  6. That's very perceptive -- and I always think that people ask for what they want to hear.

    A bit of honesty can help, I found. How are you? they ask, easily.

    Well, thanks for asking, but crap, actually. Really crap.

    And if that won't get a different kind of conversation going, then nothing will.

  7. LO very L. Sometimes I get the devil in me, and actually say what I'm thinking and actually enjoy people (the ones who aren't actually interested in how I am) writhing around in discomfort. Now that's honesty too!