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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Snoo-snoo

It snoo-snoowed (my baby-speak for snow).

So much so that I could not get off my driveway yesterday or today. No cars have driven down my road in 48 hours. The motorway I use to get to work was experiencing atrocious conditions.

So I have stayed in my PJ's and left the heating on for the duration.

The last time it snoo-snoowed was after his funeral, and before that, on the day that he had his stroke.

When I looked at the snow, I cried, really sobbed.

I said, "it's snoo-snoo-ing babe" and for the first time in my life I hated the snow.

Because he's not here.

Because it's not fun anymore.

Because I'm scared to drive in it, even when my road has been cleared.

Because I'd rather have been at work than taking a snow day.

I feel marooned psychologically.

I don't need to be marooned literally.

3 comments:

  1. i'm sorry, Boo. i know exactly how you are feeling. a big snow storm that dumped 8 inches had ended the morning of the night my Dragon died. and tonight there is a blizzard warning out for Rockport. i'm not sure how i feel about it. i'm not there to see it. but he's not there either. and it's hurting you so maybe it's best that i don't see the snow falling and the oceans waves icing the rocks.

    i am so sorry you are unable to get into work. Monday. probably Monday. think August. summer. San Diego. new friends.

    i'm thinking of you.

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  2. Grief really ruins everything, doesn't it? The big things are obvious but the simple pleasures that are no longer pleasureful but painful really have a way of driving me to my knees when I least expect it. The type of day when you should be snuggling with your sweetie and enjoying being trapped in the house together are now heart wrenching. I've lived that this winter season once already and I'm so sorry you are having to live it, Boo. Do you think we'll ever get to a point where we won't get so overwhelmed by things big and small? I agree with wNs. When the wintery things overwhelm us, let's think about San Diego in August and finally meeting our friends who have become so dear. I hope Monday brings clear roads.

    Debbie

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