Monday, November 16, 2009

What is normal


If you think you are going insane,

If all you can do is cry,

If you can’t taste food or have any
semblance of an appetite,

If you have feelings of rage, denial
and depression,

If you find yourself enjoying a funny
moment and immediately feeling guilty,

If your friends dwindle away and you feel
like you have the plague,

If your blood boils and the hair in your
nose curls when someone tells you,
“It was God’s will,”

If you can’t talk about it, but can smash
dishes, shred old phone books or kick
the garbage can (preferably empty)
down the lane,

If you can share your story, your feelings
with an understanding listener…
another person,

If you can get a glimmer of your loved
one’s life while grieving the death,

If you can remember your loved one
with a smile,

If you are able to reach out to others,

<3 Author Unknown

.... and if one more person compares their parent dying to my husband dying I think I am going to be beyond rude to them.


  1. i love that last statement, yours not author unknown's. all that above is lovely. and i so agree with you. i'm lucky since i'm such a hermit. i don't get it too much to my face. only online.

    i've lost both my parents. i've lost a baby at 19 weeks. not an adult child. an infant. i've lost both my grandparents. i've lost dogs. but none of these deaths have altered my whole world like the death of my Dragon. all death is horrible. each one is different for the person grieving. i would no more compare my losses to another person's than anything. mine are not greater. mine are not less.

    we have both had our wonderful husband's die. when you write, i can feel your pain coming off you. a lot of your words resonate with me as i am experiencing the same things parallel to yours. parallel. i would never compare our pain. we are too unique. that is why Cliff loves you and my Dragon loves me. so go ahead and be "beyond rude" my friend. they are encroaching upon your space.

    wait. let me get my soda and popcorn. okay. i'm settled in my seat. i want to watch the skirmish. my money is on you. =0)

  2. "You go, girl!", as they say here. My money is on you, too. And thanks for sharing What is Normal. It makes me feel like I'm doing ok and maybe even making progress toward healing (not away from Austin, 'cause he'll always be with me as I progress toward healing).

  3. you both made me smile :-)

    wNs - yes, that's it exactly, parallel ... we understand each other ... we experience many of the same things ... the pain, the fears, the emotions, and we are unique, as are our husbands, and that is why our loss is not comparable to anyone else's ... because it is ours. We have lost different dreams. We dreamed of retiring in Spain when I was 50, and you dreamed of living in the lighthouse. But I do believe this ... when we see them again (and each other) we will be "retiring" to something as magical as the men we love, all together. That keeps me going xxx

    Debbie - you know we have all made a lot of progress, believe it or not, even if it feels like some sort of perverse "merry-go-round" on Acid ... and of course you are not progressing away from Austin ... how could you do anything that every cell in your body would forbid you to do my friend? I'd like to add one of my mantra's:

    I am not leaving my husband in the past. I am moving towards him, one day at a time. That was but a taste ... the best is yet to come.

    Keep those words with you xx

  4. I LOVE this! Wish I would have found it early on when I thought I was going insane!

    And losing a spouse is NOTHING like losing a parent! Who would even think that?!?!?! Having lost both of my parents young (mom when I was 9 and dad when I was 22), I have known death for a looong time but this is completely different. Just another example of people who "don't get it!"

    (((HUGS))) and <3 to all!!!

  5. hahaha Lynette, there are too many people who compare ... it's not healthy to do that - for us, or for them actually. I guess we all try to relate to what others are feeling and until we are in this situation we don't realize what a dreadful faux-pas we are making.

    I wish I had found the poem earlier too <3 back to you xx

  6. That quote is so true. Yes, losing a husband is very different. My mother died while my husband was hospitalized, my son had a heart attack and bypass surgery during another of his hospitalizations, and still losing him was the worst. And a friend of mine said knowingly, "Your life is going to be very different now." I wanted to strangle her.

  7. Thelmaz, talk about stating the obvious! I am glad we have found one another :-) Looking forward to reading your blog when I get home.