For some reason I seem to notice nature more now. I mean the beauty and brilliance of a sunset (which I associate with Cliff), amazing landscapes, misty mornings over a field ... it gives me comfort somehow, and I have no idea why. Whilst reading the news on the BBC site at lunchtime, I came across this wonderful clip of a hummingbird. It is truly amazing, so am sharing it here.
Driving home I felt very emotional today. I could feel the loss, my grief rising deep from within me ... and then this song came on:
and I lost it completely. We used to listen to this a lot ... and it's another one of those tunes that's morphed itself into something apt for today too.
Driving on the M25 lends itself as a good reason to get to grips with your emotional state ... crying isn't conducive at all to driving safely. And so I did, then a truck with Dutch plates decided to swing over into my lane (I was doing 80 mph) so I swerved half way into the fast lane ... causing car behind me to brake, but hey ... not my fault. He started freaking out and I managed to stay very calm ... but I really wished he'd been in the car with me. Because then I would have FELT calm.
Another thing that I can't explain is that I seem to worry about motorbikes more these days ... there was one next to me tonight ... and I saw him look at the truck next to him ... he seemed so small compared to it ... and I just willed him to get past, but I could sense his hesitance, so I held back the traffic in my lane and waved him in front of me ... I just don't want someone to open the door to the worst news of their lives. I know I'm not omnipotent by any means, but find myself doing this for motorbikes a lot these days. It just worries me.
Cliff used to say, "oh there goes another bunch of flowers on a lamp-post" in his own dark sense of humour (which I share). I still share that sense of humour, even more so these days, yet I want to help them avoid morphing themselves into that bunch of flowers, you know?
WTF is THAT about?