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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A man's work is never done

Have to say I'm quite proud of myself.

The oil light (in my car) came on so I stopped at the gas station and found myself staring at all the different types of oil for sale ... for what felt like an eternity. I could feel that useless feeling rising up from the pit of my stomach ... and I bit the bullet, instead of waiting till I got home so I could call one of his friends and ask them.

I selected the type that sounded like it was the right one ... and asked a random man who confirmed it was indeed correct .... then ... I. PUT. THE. OIL. IN. MY. CAR. yes really. ON. MY. OWN.

I'd also bought some windscreen wash, but couldn't undo the cap, so asked yet another random man to break the seal, and proceeded to pour it into the (correct) receptacle in the car ... and he drove really slowly past me and said, "you DO know that you need to dilute that, don't you?"

Erm, yes I do.

So I stop pouring it, turn the bottle around so he can read the words, "READY MIXED" and he grins and adds, "ok, just checking."

Is there a neon sign above my head that says WIDOW?

I'm not sure if I mind (or not) if there is.

For now, I think I don't mind ...

just till I get the confidence to do these things ...

a man's work ... the multitude of little (and big) things that Cliff always used to do for me, without being asked, or even expecting thanks (although I did always appreciate it and said thanks, but I have to admit that I did kind of expect him to do that stuff).

I. MISS. HIM. SO. MUCH. ALL. THE. TIME.

I wish I could just lay down with him and fall asleep in his arms. That would be the ultimate prize/luxury/heaven for me.

6 comments:

  1. i like to believe that there are random nice angels floating around in the guise of people. OR angels kind of kick people in the behind to make them realize that someone needs a little assistance. i don't think it's necessarily a widow sign as just that lost look of someone who needs a little help.

    but i understand wanting Cliff back to take care of the stuff he used to. oh Lord i miss my Dragon. your last three sentences brought tears to my eyes. no, don't apologize. it doesn't take much. it's just that we had the very best life could ever give us and we had to watch it get taken away.

    i'm proud of you. you are gaining in confidence more than you realize. and missing him doesn't lessen that. it only honors him more.

    peace

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  2. *clapping loudly*

    You did it!!!!! (((HUGS)))

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  3. Another post in which I know exactly what you're talking about and feeling. Austin did so many things around here that I took for granted which I'm now learning how to do. But just to give you a pat on the back, if you had died, Cliff would have found the exact same thing. I think that's what marriage is, doing for each other. But it really sucks being the one left alone to do it all.

    I've got a child sick with H1N1 and I probably have it and I'd do anything to have Austin here to help us. Damn.

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  4. Woooooo Hoooooo - I remember the first time I did that windshield washer thingy - it was amazing. Of course, I drove home crying BUT I DID IT MYSELF. Good for you (((((Boo))))))

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  5. Well done!

    My late wife would have been in the same predicament, but I've met women, one who is a widow, who were taught how to do all these jobs by their father. But they seem to be in families where all the offspring were female.

    On the reverse side though, my father taught me DIY, everything about cars and engines, and as he was a printer, everything about real printing, letterpress. But my mother also taught me to sew and cook.

    Admittedly I didn't do much cooking in the firty years I was with my late wife, but when we had no money, I did use to make her clothes.

    Now, though that I'm widowed the cooking skills have returned and as I'm a coeliac, I tend to cook everything myself from scratch.

    So if perhaps there is a moral here, it is that we should all teach our children how to do the basics of life, because when you are widowed you tend to lose half your skill sets.

    Perhaps we should all write the Widows Guide to Basic Living.

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  6. wNs - I love what you said about angels kicking people to notice that we need help xx

    Thanks Lynette :-) It's a small thing but a big thing to us!

    Debbie - that's weird. I remember you saying that one of your boys was worried about getting swine flu ... is it that son who caught it? I wonder if he was worried about catching it and Austin not being here. Children are so much more perceptive than we give them credit for! I'm sorry you are ill, it makes everything worse and more painful HUGS

    Suzann - thanks! It's always the little things!

    AnonW - writing that book would be helpful to so many people. I am SO impressed that you made your wife's clothes. WOW

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