Have to say I'm quite proud of myself.
The oil light (in my car) came on so I stopped at the gas station and found myself staring at all the different types of oil for sale ... for what felt like an eternity. I could feel that useless feeling rising up from the pit of my stomach ... and I bit the bullet, instead of waiting till I got home so I could call one of his friends and ask them.
I selected the type that sounded like it was the right one ... and asked a random man who confirmed it was indeed correct .... then ... I. PUT. THE. OIL. IN. MY. CAR. yes really. ON. MY. OWN.
I'd also bought some windscreen wash, but couldn't undo the cap, so asked yet another random man to break the seal, and proceeded to pour it into the (correct) receptacle in the car ... and he drove really slowly past me and said, "you DO know that you need to dilute that, don't you?"
Erm, yes I do.
So I stop pouring it, turn the bottle around so he can read the words, "READY MIXED" and he grins and adds, "ok, just checking."
Is there a neon sign above my head that says WIDOW?
I'm not sure if I mind (or not) if there is.
For now, I think I don't mind ...
just till I get the confidence to do these things ...
a man's work ... the multitude of little (and big) things that Cliff always used to do for me, without being asked, or even expecting thanks (although I did always appreciate it and said thanks, but I have to admit that I did kind of expect him to do that stuff).
I. MISS. HIM. SO. MUCH. ALL. THE. TIME.
I wish I could just lay down with him and fall asleep in his arms. That would be the ultimate prize/luxury/heaven for me.