At work, we have a huge fir tree in the grounds and they always light the white bulbs on it on December the 1st, which I was preparing myself for.
But they lit the tree last night and I was so not ready for that.
I managed to get to my car before I started howling and had to sit there for 5 minutes composing myself.
I thought I'd got a grip on myself, then Radio One played "Many Rivers to Cross" - this was Cliff's signature song for years. And off I went again, only for the DJ to announce at the end of it, "ahhh, the White Cliffs of Dover ... beautiful ... but not as beautiful as the blue mountains of Jamaica." OMG, I'm amazed I didn't wipe myself off the motorway. It felt like I was being targetted ... memories of School, Cliff, where we got married ... all overwhelming me at the same time.
Then I got into work today, and Kimberly had sent me an email to say that she knows that Christmas is going to be very tough for me, and suggested that as a reward for simply getting through the holidays, that we have a weekend away together.
So, we are going to have a weekend together in Italy, anywhere but Rome "because we'll feel like slitting our wrists watching the lovebirds" (her words). I love her, she is so funny and she treats me the way she always did. Earlier this year I had to apologize to her for not attending a fashion launch she'd arranged in London (because I couldn't face getting the train home, knowing that Cliff would not be at the station waiting for me). Her response? "I totally understand, but don't think that you can use the dead husband excuse next year ... I want you there."
LOL. Only the darkest humour is appropriate these days.