Sunday, October 4, 2009

Say will

Thankfully, no one shies away from speaking about Cliff to me, and they are graciously tolerant of me talking of him incessantly. Yesterday, it was so good - it felt so good - to sit and talk about him, stories, laughing ... with Gary and Gaynor.

Marcus emailed me today to tell me that he will never be forgotten - that he has a special place safe in his heart - he told me that he cried like a baby - he confirmed that he too mourns him.

So why am I including this abridged poem here? Well, simply because it states so simply just how it is - how we feel.

And to let you know that you help me when you talk about Cliff with me. So please don't ever stop, PLEASE. It gives me a small taste of him again and lifts my mood, tops up my strength. It never upsets me ... although I wouldn't advise talking about him in an unflattering light. No seriously, don't go there. I might just grab his samurai sword again.

The time of concern is over. No longer am I asked how I am doing.
Never is the name of my partner mentioned to me.
A curtain descends. The moment has passed.
A life slips from frequent recall.
There are exceptions … close and comforting friends, sensitive and loving family.
For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off.
Applause is silent.

But for me, the play will never end. The effects are timeless.
Say Will to me.
On the stage of my life, he has been both lead and supporting actor.
Do not tiptoe around the greatest event of my life. Love does not die.
His name is written on my life. The sound of his voice replays within my mind.
You feel he is dead. I feel he is of the dead and still lives.
You say he was my partner. I say he is.

Say Will to me and say Will again.
It hurts to bury his memory in silence.
What he was in the flesh has now turned to ash.
What he is in spirit, stirs within me always. He is of my past, but he is part of my present.
He is my hope for the future. You say not to remind me. How little you understand that I cannot forget. I would not if I could.

I forgive you, because you cannot know. I strive not to judge you, for yesterday I was like you.
I do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. I walk it not by choice. I would rather walk it with him in the flesh.

I am what I have to be. What I have lost you cannot feel. What I have gained you cannot see.

Say Will, for he is alive in me.
He and I will meet again, though in many ways we have never parted. He and his life play light songs on my mind, sunrises and sunsets on my dreams. He is real and he is shadow.
He was and he is. He is my partner and I love him as I always did.

Say Will to me and say Will again.

(This poem was rephrased and based on the book “Saying Olin to Goodbye” by Donald Hackett.)


  1. WOW.... boo, I am speechless... I ... can't thank you enough for putting this on here. I feel like I need to send it to everyone I know... thank you boo. I love you.

  2. i agree and can add nothing more because of the tears in my eyes.

  3. Thank you, Boo. I also feel like I want to send this to everyone I know. It is such a gift when people mention the names of our loved ones to us and such a crazy notion that some think that by mentioning our husbands they're going to make us sad. People who haven't experienced great loss don't seem to realize that we're thinking about them every second and that by sharing memories they are helping us. This should definitely go in the "how to be a good human being manual"!!!!!

    I'm thankful you have such great friends!


  4. Thank you for sharing that. I have a feeling I will be using that with some of my absent friends very soon!

    HUGS xoxo

  5. I thought it really expressed the whole thing about our need to talk about them and how we feel, so simply and tenderly ... glad it helped, sorry if you all boo'ed too ... it sure hits the nerve too! Love to you all, Boo xx

  6. Oh boy. That really does hit the spot. I don't think I've ever seen it expressed so well. Thank you so much for posting it.

  7. J - We all loved that one didn't we ... someone on my bereavement discussion board posted it, and I immediately copied and pasted it, so well written!

  8. It is beautiful, and so true! Thanks for sharing,

  9. Wishing you strength Carrieboo xx

  10. Thanks Boo, its slowly building up again.

    Just curious, in this poem, is "Will" supposed to be a name?

    I hope you are well, and can talk about Cliff everyday. I miss talking about Neal with someone, and wish I could do it more...


  11. Hey Carrieboo, I think it does refer to a person, yes.

    I talk about Cliff everyday whether people want to hear it or not!! LOL I know what you mean though ... it's always so much better, when they knew him and they are just as interested to talk about him. Kisses