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Friday, October 23, 2009

Lighter

The past couple of days have been tough ... as I mentioned it was my Mom's birthday, plus am very tired (still adjusting to time difference and I have lots of work on at the moment).

So when a stranger rang my doorbell and asked me if I had a little white and tan dog my heart stopped beating. I really thought Barney was dead ... thank god she was standing there to tell me that she had nearly run him over and had put him in the neighbour's garden (2 houses away) and locked him in there. I could barely speak ... I thanked her profusely and went to the back door where I knew he would be, with our other dog, Fred ... pretending nothing had happened. He ran in and I smacked him for the first ever time (on his arse) and then I howled and howled incessantly. I begged him not to be bad and go out the front again, that he would get hurt or worse and I can't take it. Now I am neurotic that he will do it again so insist on going in the garden with him - he is getting very frustrated as he can't garden hop now - his usual practice is to play with Toby next door, and partake in a Bourbon biscuit and milk two doors away ... tough shit, the little bastard.

How much more shit can I take? And just as I thought that thought ... the power went off in my house. It's dark and both dogs insist on playing chicken with me going up AND down the feckin stairs, whilst I fumble about with candles and lighters (mental note: charge the torches up) trying to figure out by process of elimination what has made the trip go. To NO avail. By midnight I am hysterical ... and screaming for him, literally. Finally set mobile alarm so I can go to work, but in the morning decide to take the day as leave ... it appears that it's something to do with the heating (when you turn it off, it makes the trip go) ... sweet jesus I am going to give that plumber the privilege of hearing my wide range of swearwords when I see him.

But the fact is, Barney IS alive, the power is back on, my Mom's birthday has passed for another year, and I'm used to being tired.

So, I'm feeling lighter ...

4 comments:

  1. oh, Boo, such mishaps. it sometimes seems that everyone and everything plan on testing our limits. for me one day a few months ago it was little ants. freakin' things were all over my window sill. they loved my cleanser. they delighted in my tears. but they hated the can of Raid. no more ants. i was so tried that night and i sobbed over this stupid little army that if he were here i wouldn't have batted an eye.

    i am so very glad that Barney is safe. you've gotten over another hill that turned into a mountain but you did it with finesse. swear away, woman. it's your right. my Dragon could swear in 5 languages. i'm sure Cliff would have laughed at your curses and then pulled you into his lap for a cuddle.

    breathe, Boo. please just close your eyes and breathe. sometimes it's all we have. listen for your own heartbeat. hear it? does it have an echo? that's Cliff breathing from inside you. we'll make it. somehow. i'm thinking a long range plan that may never come true but the delight would be in the planning. Suddenwidow, you, me, and whomever wants to join the planning - a meeting someday, someway, in some magical place. we'll sit on a beach and just breathe with those who are very much present but, and this is the heartbreak, they are not seen. and that's what your "sisters" are for.

    i'm here. always here. wishing you peace.

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  2. you always know exactly what to say to me. I think you are going to breath and sew some magic into that quilt, in fact I know you are xxx

    my offer when house is finished is perfectly serious, and would collect you from airport etc. You will be well fed and watered, and have a chauffeur at weekends, and in evenings :-)

    all you need is the airfare and if you plan ahead ... in a year ... it could happen xx

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  3. You both are so eloquent and I've got nothin' today. But know that I'm sending you both hugs and love and wishing we lived closer together so we could get together and share our grief. But for now, sharing electronically will continue to be my lifeline. Have a good weekend!
    Love Debbie

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  4. Awww, honey. Lots of love to you! XOXOX

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