Saturday, August 29, 2009

The last Bank Holiday weekend of the year*

True to form, the monsoon rains came just as the bank holiday weekend was about to begin, swiftly joined by the mandatory 20 mph snail's pace on the M25.

I drove home with a heavy heart ... on bank holidays we used to socialize, have friends over ... Cliff would make the best cocktails in the world, and perhaps a barbecue, or I'd put some food together, so people could "graze" - nothing formal ever! We'd use the extra day to chill out together, having a lie-in and watch TV, or he'd insist I rest while he worked on the house, and we'd have a big roast dinner together.

So it was a nice surprise when John, Coxy, Paul and Lisa came round to spend the evening ... and John additionally helped me word the "Seller's Ad" for Cliff's van on EBay. Paul manage to get two minutes alone with me, apologizing again for upsetting me and letting me down. When his eyes filled with tears, I saw genuine remorse and regret. He has now realized the impact his actions had on me, my emotional and mental psyche ... as well as my confidence and trust in others, myself and this brave new world. And it hasn't escaped my notice that his wife is drinking heavily again ... she won't survive another round of blood and potassium replenishment if her liver and kidneys fail again. That said, I will not leave myself in this position again, nor will I carry on relying on him.

The package (with photos of Cliff's 40th birthday thirteen years ago) that Tina sent me duly arrived this morning. I have been looking at them, on and off all day. It was a lovely thing to do. To duplicate all her photos of us and post them down to me. More precious treasures to keep in the safe. JUST IN CASE ...

My beautiful friend Vicki is spending most of Sunday and Monday with me here, and I am really looking forward to having all that time with her. No work, no chores, no other guests. Just us. (Thank you Bobert for sharing her with me this long weekend.) The Neff Ovens and hob that Cliff installed just before Xmas will go into shock ... because they are actually going to get used tomorrow ... I'm cooking Italian because we both love it, and if we are too busy talking ... we can eat it whenever we like.

And because tonight is the only time that I shall be alone (not that I'm complaining), I've made the most of it and had a really good hard (and long) cry. Whilst writing this post, I was listening to Nina Simone, because it reflected my mood this evening, and I've included a couple of her songs here along with Rod Stewart singing, "Everything I own".
*which means it's almost been 8 months now ... the time seems to be flying even though it seems to be standing still. Perhaps because I am? Or because I am moving so slowly forwards? Understandable.


  1. Boo... after every post I just want to talk to you. Email me at Maybe we could exchange phone #'s? Lots of love my special friend... Cliff loves you.


  2. Kim, I'll email you Tuesday when I get back to work xx

  3. Enjoy the long weekend! It is well deserved!

    I will be thinking about you while I'm back at work tomorrow! :)


  4. It's funny but time does seem to move faster now. And I am rather busy writing new software and that! So it should be slower.


    Funny, but I always used to like bank holidays. It was usually a chance to get a lot of work done or we would do something together, like go racing. If we didn't, we'd always take in a film. I go so rarely these days.

    Hopefully, I'll get a lot of work done. She'd have liked that! She was always saying you should work hard.

  5. AnonW - and it keeps your mind occupied and positive ... I wish you a productive day :-)

  6. Lynette - great to hear you are back at work and feeling improved :-) hugs XX