It doesn't seem to matter what I'm doing, thinking, saying ...
all roads lead to him.
Watching "The Wire" last night, I couldn't quite grasp what was going on and found myself saying out loud, "I wish you were here baba, you'd know and you'd explain it to me."
Listening to new music, I still manage to apply it to him.
Earlier, I looked at a picture that was taken of me at work about a year ago ... and my first thought was, "that was my face before Cliff died".
The very instant I awoke this morning, I said out loud, "I miss you baba ... I can't wait to see you again."
Yesterday I had a meeting with my line manager and she asked how I was getting along. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I still absolutely do not want to be here, but I'm not going to commit suicide, so I've got no option other than to carry on learning to live whilst feeling like this." I feel as though I can be blantantly truthful with her because she was widowed herself some time ago.
I receive an email from The Times asking me if I would like a financial makeover, and in a heartbeat, I respond silently in my own mind saying, "No, I'd like my husband back please".
I find myself wondering if he flits around following me, or if he stays at home even when I am not there, whether he visits the place where we got married, or if he has gone so far away now that he hardly thinks of me now.
Because I think of him all the time.