Monday, July 6, 2009

six months ...

in two hours, it will have been exactly six months since the most special magical man ... the man who was and still somehow is my world, took his last breath. I am amazed that I have survived these months if I'm brutally honest. But I have. I've learned a lot and surprised myself with forgotten and new-found strengths, as well as discovering the depths that I can sink to. The biggest shock is that, even though I didn't think it possible, it feels as though I actually love him more than I did before he died.

If I could speak to him right here, right now ... one of the things that I'd tell him is that despite the almost unspeakable pain, every second of it is worth the fifteen years that I shared with him.
... oh and I'd expect some praise for the excellent job Vern and I made of valeting his white van yesterday.

Finally, I'd ask him to hold Frankie's hand, to ensure that she feels safe. Our friend Gary called me today to let me know that she died at 14h00 today.


  1. I'm so sorry, Boo - about Cliff and Frankie. I'm trying to come up with some inspiring words, and I've got nothing right now. I'm amazed we've survived this so far, too.

  2. These milestones shouldn't matter, but they do. I shall be thinking of you today.
    And I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.
    J xxx

  3. No words...just (((HUGS))) from across the pond.

  4. I forgot to tell you... our anniversary is on the 27th... I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do that day. If I figure something out, I'll let you know. I'll try to get back to you on that before the 21st, but the first thing that comes to mind is shopping. Thinking of you!

  5. thanks all of you for your kind thoughts, wishes and hugs. I've just had a long chat with my boss, and we've agreed that I need a project that I can get my teeth into, and focus on. I've finally started sorting the house out and also going to book my trip to Savannah ... need little goals to work towards, and things to look forward to. xxx