Monday, June 15, 2009

One small step ...

After having the whole of last week feeling ill (my immune system is still so low despite taking a Berocca a day) with an eye and ear infection that made me so dizzy that I was vomiting, which taunted me ... he's gone, he's gone, he's not here to help you or look after you anymore, I have managed to make one small step today.

I've managed to make myself go back to work. Not in the physical sense ... but I am working from home. I've managed to work, whilst crying almost solidly all morning. There were some short breaks from the crying ... and for that I am grateful ... work is a good distraction.

I am about to phone my Doctor's surgery to see if my prescription for anti-depressants is ready, so that I can re-join the world and try to start living AGAIN. I wonder how many times along this journey I am going to progress, then go backwards, then progress again. One step at a time, one day at a time. That's enough to cope with for now.

At least I'm doing my best to get back on the horse. Last week that was not an option.


  1. Well done for saddling up your horse.
    I remember my first day back at my desk - I sat there religiously all day and by the end of it had achieved what, under normal circumstances, would have taken me about half an hour to do. Still, you have to start somewhere!

  2. yes, I guess we can't concentrate like we used to. I have also forgotten people's surnames ... it's almost like our brains have thrown away useless information to allow us to process what has happened, very slowly though! Initially I got frustrated with myself, but I learned to accept it. Have been reading your blog and I love it, mainly because I recognize my own feelings in yours so often. What I HATE is that in a perverse way I get comfort in knowing that others feel the same pain, that it is normal. But I really hate that.