Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Art works

A friend told me that she found art a great way to express her grief and sent me the picture below. I think it really encapsulates the essence of grief itself. Life is strange. I already have a copy of Klimt's "The Kiss" in a frame and bought it when Cliff and I got engaged because we both loved it, but now I find myself identifying more with "Grief". Amazing that you can go from one state to another in a space of one nanosecond. You can be a smug married and be broken so easily. Just like that. Life is so cruel sometimes.

I used to play this song because I could always get what I wanted ... I had it.

Now I realize that "You can't always get what you want".
Well, I took my first anti-depressant last night. The doctor warned me that I may have some side-effects but didn't expect them quite so soon. Was so sleepy and dizzy this morning that I thought I wouldn't be able to work till the afternoon. But after sitting still for a while, I felt ok, so have been tapping away on my laptop for a few hours now, with one dog asleep on my feet, and the other dog snuggled into my side.
It's strange ... it's as if I want to re-join the world, but I'm too scared to. I can hear my neighbours having fun in their garden and want to rock up there and join in. On the other hand, I'm not ready. I'm too tired for anything all the time. This is so so tiring, unlike anything else. They rang my doorbell this morning and I chose to ignore it, even though my car is on the drive, so they know I'm in. Luckily, they accept my weird behaviour and go with the flow.
I feel like a small child who wants to learn to swim, but has that trepidation on putting her toe in the water.

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