Thursday, May 28, 2009

Vikings and Weddings

Thankfully I can avoid the sound of the waves lapping on the shore ... there is a beautiful view down the hill of the sea but I can't actually hear it.

There are 12 of us hiring 3 Summer Houses in the same area, so it's all worked out well ... plenty of company if you want it ... and enough peace and quiet if you want to chill out and read a book, and I manage to fit two books into the week as well as enjoying peopleTM

It's lovely to be round everyone and I am coping pretty well ... of course I miss Cliff immensely, but I can have a little cry in the shower every day and that seems to get me through. I'm also faithfully taking a Berocca a day because my immune system is still low ...

Jenny tells me that I was crying in my sleep, but thankfully I don't remember a nightmare. I tell her that Fred (my deaf dog) was crying pitifully and whimpering in his sleep a few days previously, so much so that I woke him up. I suspect that he was dreaming of the bastards who used to beat him.

The highlights of the week are:

(I'm on the far left)

The Wedding (obviously) ... it was a lovely day in more ways than one. The weather was glorious, the bride was beautiful, and everyone had a good time. When they exchanged their vows, I had to swallow the most enormous lump in my throat because you can't help but remember your own wedding day, your own vows, looking into each other's eyes, broken dreams and a stolen future. Jenny and Esther both check that I am OK and I get myself back on track. We've travelled a long way (1000k) to watch them tie the knot and I'm damned if I am going to ruin it by completely losing it. That afternoon I have to literally run out of a bar though, because Robbie Williams' Angels is playing, and again in the evening, during dinner, I have to go to the toilet quickly because I can feel the tears welling up and am scared that the dam is going to burst ... I lean against the cool wall and focus on breathing, holding myself, stroking my own hair, let out a few tears, and march back like a warrior.

I'd just like to point out that I am laughing hard in this photo which has caused the double-chin to appear ... it is NOT a permanent fixture ;-) This was taken when we went to Ribe (the oldest town in Denmark, where they have a marvellous Viking museum).

Going to choose Es' wedding flowers with her.

Having some quality time with Cliff's family.

Copenhagen - Jenny and I went to see The little Mermaid which was some walk from Tivoli Gardens which we also visited, as well as the shops, naturally. I had a little stomp around Chanel and Louis Vuitton because I can no longer afford anything there, so settled for a moody version of a Chanel purse and Vuitton handbag, getting a good deal by sitting on the cobblestones and haggling. I was pleased with the result, but even more pleased that I was able to act the way that I did when Cliff was there with me. I am, however, less pleased with myself, when in spite of the parking sensors on my car, I manage to reverse into a wall in the car park in Copenhagen. Luckily the paint (from the wall) completely washes off, so no harm done.

My other purchases are Viking fridge magnets (including a fun one that you can dress up) because they remind me of Cliff and are also a good keepsake from the trip ... I had wanted to give Cliff a Viking Funeral ...

All in all this was a really good week - my only really wobbly moments are when I hear fireworks whilst reading in bed and I lay there wishing for them to STOP because the noise upsets me. We both loved fireworks SO much, as did our Rottweiler, Hammer. Another bad moment is when I catch a glimpse of Jean and realize how similar her forehead and hair is to Cliff's.

When I say goodbye to Es I have to walk alone down to the car quickly and have a few tears. God, this is tough.

The journey back is easy and relatively fast.


WTF - there are no lights working downstairs. This compounds the fact that I don't know what the hell I am doing, and that he is gone ... so I start sobbing, find a couple of candles and cuddle my dogs for an hour, talking to Cliff. I am relieved to be back with his ashes and our stuff. I am relieved to be able to let it all out. There is also a message to say that my Auntie is probably dying and a beautiful letter from to thank me for the donations raised (instead of flowers) in memory of Cliff. I am exhausted and take the dogs to bed.

Tomorrow is another day. Tonight I need to sleep. I get into bed, smile and say "Night, Baba .. love you."

1 comment:

  1. Hi Boo, sounds like you had a good trip, a few laughs and a few tears. I remember my friends wedding soon after Neal passed, the song "wonderful world" came on and I had to have them turn it off and run to the washroom...I felt bad for that, but its something that can't be helped I guess.

    And with coming home, so does the tears. I hope you feel a little more refreshed after your trip. Take care, xoxo.