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Monday, April 13, 2009

The first big drama – solo




It’s a beautiful day so I leave the back door open. The dogs are running in and out and playing outside. I am doing chores. Having quite a strong day, alone.

Barney trots in. My long-haired Jack Russell Terrier. Swaggering like an alpha male lion on the savannah.

A thought crosses my mind.

I don’t remember that teddy-bear.

OMG, it’s a squirrel. HE’S GOT A SQUIRREL. WITH A BIG BUSHY TAIL. It looks as though it’s asleep. OMG, IT’S A DEAD SQUIRREL.

ARGHHHHHHHHH.

Barney is stunned. Can’t understand why I am screaming my head off.

Goes to jump up and lick me.

Noooooooooooooooo, eeeeeee-uuuuuuuuuu-wwwwwwwww, gross me out. GET DOWN!

Arghhhhhhhhhh.

Rapidly escape through front door, slamming it behind myself.

PAUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Hyperventilating and adrenaline coursing through me, shaking.

Practically bowl each other over, almost head-butt each other at the bottom of my drive.

WHAT’S WRONG? WHAT’S HAPPENED? WHAT?????

B-B-B-Barney’s brought in a dead squirrel.

Where is it?

In there with him. Here’s the key. Deal with it please.

Have you got a plastic bag?

They’re in there with IT. You’ll have to find them. I’ll wait here.

What shall I do with it?

Put it outside in YOUR bin perhaps?

It’s gone.

Noooooooo, Barney, DON’T LICK ME. OMG!!!!

Then I look up and smile. Really smile.

Bet you’re laughing your head off at me now, aren’t you?

Barney, you really shouldn’t be so nasty. Poor squirrel. Don’t kill things. He might have had a wife and she will be so so so so upset now. Poor thing.


Oh jesus, you’ve probably got fleas off it. Better order some Stronghold.

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